Dental School: Week 1 complete.

What seems like a crazy journey to this point in my life has been a basketful of blessings. In hindsight as difficult as they may have been, the detours I took were worth every moment. It makes this new initiation to the next chapter in my life that much more thrilling and rewarding.

What I can't believe, is how exhausting being back in school could be! Maybe it's the combination of excitement and acclimation that is overwhelming my body. Not to mention, trying to get to know 109 other people I'll be spending the next four years with.

I want to promise myself to have a good balance of academic, social, and healthy lifestyle habits before I delve too far into the semester and forget how grateful I am to begin writing this chapter of my life.

To every person I encountered that gave me encouragement, a momentary high, an unforgettable night out, a cherished excursion, and a valuable moment, thank you. I am here today because of you. If you don't know who you are, ask me and I will share a memory that brought me from 5 years ago to now. You are the people that count in my life.

The Dreadful Waiting Game

Just about a month and a half until AADSAS 2015-16 opens.

Still waiting on answers from schools I might have an opportunity at.

So frustrating living with this anxiety. Can't sit back, can't move forward.

Crossing my fingers, trying to stay calm, and staying busy.

School M and School N. I'd love to be at one of your institutions, just as much I'd like to be a dentist.

Weird happenings this week on Wednesday. I was driving through my city and recognized a person I interviewed with two years ago. He's now a dental student, saw him in his scrubs walking down the street with a friend. Earlier that day, I was documenting records at work and saw the rare last name of an admissions dean at a school I want to be at. I hope they were good omens.

Waitlist. Waitlist. Waitlist.

The most terrifying word that exists after rejection. For me, it's an even scarier word because I have been waitlisted before -- only to ultimately be rejected by the time school had started. It is needless to say, but needs to be stated: it is a frustrating situation to be in.

Why?

Future plans can't be made.

I can't enjoy life right now and spend time with the hobbies I would have liked to spend my time with if I knew I could go to school this fall. I wanted to spend more time painting, learning the piano, improving my physical health, and reviewing old science textbooks in preparation for new challenges.

You have to sit on the edge of your seat.

No one is going to give you a definite answer. They are just going to tell you to wait. They say they know how dreadful it is to sit in the unknown, but they really don't. I debate, on the daily, whether or not I should stay in my dental-related job or just begin to prepare for something else. I worry that I wasn't meant to be a dentist.

There's nothing you can do about it.

Nothing I can do at this point in the cycle will move me one spot higher on an alternate list nor will it ensure that I can gain myself a position with a future opening. All I can do is sit on my fattening tush and hope, to God or the higher power that will help me, that enough people drop out to get me a position somewhere, anywhere.

June 1st is getting closer every day.

It occurred to me last night as I was looking at my calendar that the 2015-16 cycle is already getting ready to roll in less than 100 days. Hoping that this would be my year, I honestly have not prepared for a new cycle. It terrifies the hell out of me. This would mean cycle four, but I'm also afraid to give up on my dream...

Interesting conversation...

As a float in a chain of dental offices in the Midwest, I can go to one of several offices a week to help out as a front office staff member helping out with phones, collecting payments, preparing records, and more.

I picked up a call today from an orthodontist out east. I didn't make out much of what he had introduced himself with and caught the end, "....Was wondering what you thought of it." I assumed he was a telemarketer out east asking if this franchise had tried a new dental office product or was trying to sell something. I was very wrong. When I asked if I could collect a number for the appropriate person to call him back, he said he just wanted to know what front office staff thought of our new web-based software program. He couldn't have talked to a better person because I have the insight from several offices.

As I shared my experiences as a float jumping around from group practice attempting to schedule appropriately for doctors and their respective clinical teams, I shared how our new system is unable to do it effectively. He mentioned how interesting it was because most practices out east are private. It had never occurred to me that the concept of a franchise of group practices was out of the ordinary anywhere outside the Midwest.

I really like how this random call gave me some insight on the practice of dentistry out east. I will be heading out there tomorrow for an interview Thursday.

Christmas Miracle - Interview Invite!

To my unexpected surprise, I was invited for a second interview this cycle at school Z about a week before Christmas. Out of all the schools I applied to, school Z was definitely the last place I expected to be invited for interview.

Nonetheless, it definitely boosted my self-esteem after being down in the dumps for two weeks about how I would have to resort to something else. That maybe I wasn't meant to be a dentist. Although I know this doesn't mean acceptance to school X or Z, it gives me hope. It is something that no one or thing can replace within me. It was surreal to see that e-mail in my inbox that Friday morning. I thought, Here comes the inevitable rejections...

I have a reasonable amount of time to prepare, but I'm thinking of it as my second chance. Let's make the most of it!

Union Gospel Mission Dental Clinic

I have been in a strange place that I didn't think I would be in after December first this year. However, I am and I am trying to figure out how to make the best of this situation.

So after a ten hour work day, I am hauling myself through rush hour traffic and traveling 45 minutes to volunteer at the Union Gospel Mission Dental Clinic when I can. It's been eye-opening and mind-broadening. I have learned more of what kind of person I want to strive to be and has made me want, more, what I can't have.

The collaboration of dentists and volunteers is deeply heartwarming and makes me believe in humanity again. The fact that people come here on their own time to help those who are possibly less fortunate or lost their ways in the complicated path called life, is assuring that there are good people in the world. People who want to make a difference in the lives of others.

What's more? Is the story of each patient. It was never their intention to end up at a free clinic for dental care. It was never their intention to have one (or more) of their teeth remain at the dental office when they left. My ignorant misconceptions and stereotypes were rectified as I called in patients and prepared them for an introduction to the night's dentists. In those short spurts of time, I learned so much about the pain and strife or conquering that each patient had gone through in this life to get to that day. Whether it was health-related or one life-changing moment, each person had their own story, their own legacy that made them who they were. That brought them to us.

How incredible. After living day to day in the corporate dentistry world, I was touched and humbled by being at the Union Gospel Mission last night and realized, once again, why I want to do this.

Post-December 1st

It was almost the end of the world on Monday. I held it together pretty well until....A friend who I gave a lot of advice to that was accepted (who totally deserves it) and my mom writing me a sweet message that broke me down. I was unarmored, I felt like my interviews went so much better, that my application was stronger.

I'm still feeling a little hopeless. I have no direction in my life. I've lived over half of my life thinking I would become a dentist. When I was faced with the reality that maybe third time wouldn't be the charm, it's like a storm is passing through my life again. It's frustrating to have finally mustered the courage to give it another go, only to be let down.

Then, I pulled myself together. I wasn't rejected December 1st. However slim my chances are of getting in now, I can't throw it all away yet. But I also have to be realistic. Lining up Plans B, C, D, and E are going haywire as I type this. What was I meant to do with my life?

I want this so bad that I can't even turn my back on it after three years. Everyone said that third time's a charm, is it really? I'm so frustrated with myself more than anyone, any school, or any thing.

D-9

Nine days until December 1st.
All is (too) quiet and calm.

Things to be optimistic about:

• It's less than two weeks away.
• I have a plan B (that I don't really want to have to follow through with)
• I haven't been rejected (officially) by any schools yet. 
• Thanksgiving and Black Friday are around the corner.
• November is almost over.

21/3

Three weeks.
Twenty-one days.

Until December 1st.

Anxiety is kicking in at an all-time high.

As much as I want that day to come, I'm also afraid it will tell me something I don't want to hear.

Ah, such a cruel waiting game. 

38 days.

38 days until December 1st.

That's all I got for ya.

Crossing my fingers, toes, and eyes until then.

Wishlist for Dental School (if I get in)

NEED:

• December 1st acceptance
• a new laptop (~$1000)
• a tablet (~$500)

PROBABLY WILL NEED:

• loupes (~$2000)
• scrubs (~$250)
• new school wear (~$150)

WISHFUL THINKING:

• a fancy scholarship that will cover all my expenses (minimally, tuition?)? (~$250,000)
• a handsome prince charming (~$ priceless)
• an ample overflow of energy for four years (~$ priceless)

WILL NEED TO QUICKLY ACQUIRE:

• undivided attention and focus
• handskill
• confidence
• academic mindset
• my classmates' and professors' undying love

Interview

After a whole load of confusion with my AADSAS not being merged with my supplemental application, which led to my application not having been reviewed until at least a month after my final submission...

I was finally offered an interview invite October 1st and interviewed last Friday, October 10th. I felt so much better about this interview than the last time I had interviewed at this institution. It was a relief to feel at a little more ease than the previous time. It proves to me that I have truly grown, matured, and have collected more to speak from. I feel ready. I hope the admissions committee agrees.

My anxiety is getting the best of me...

Third times a charm, they say.

But as each day passes in September, I get more and more anxious as to what to make of my future.

I find myself waking up in the middle of the night clenching my teeth, religiously checking Student Doctor Network to see where people were getting interview invites, and constantly checking my e-mail or AADSAS.

A interview would really ease my nerves, but I also can't wait for it to be December 1. However, each day that passes without an invite makes me that much more nervous that the day is approaching.

Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best...Third times a charm

TO: POSERS WHO ARE LYING TO THEMSELVES

I'm going to be straightforward and just put it out there that this post is a RANT. So if you don't want to hear it, skip this post. But just as a reference, I rarely let things get to me, let alone post somewhere publicly about them. I am IRATE about an irresponsible and careless person.

I COMPLETELY understand if you are working at a non-profit organization for a cause that you strongly believe in whether it's for the environment, for education, for human welfare...Whatever your cause. Actually, props to you. You deserve a pat on the back and plenty of love from your community for dedicating your time and energy to make a difference in the world. However, those of you who are just posing as someone who believes in a cause, please, please don't just do things you don't even believe in just so you can slap it on your med school application. Especially when you didn't do your job...Or when you can't do your job.

I have been in contact with a non-profit dental organization that provides dental care to children of low income households. Now I want to start off by saying, I know fully how this organization runs its volunteers and I hate the entropy of the whole organization. It drives me crazy. But I was willing to tough it out, because I believe that children, regardless of gender, race, class, whatever, should be  eligible to receive proper dental care.

That being said, I contacted the intern coordinator in the beginning of December because I wanted to avoid that "holiday season" where work just seems to slow down and nothing gets done. I got a response right away from the intern coordinator and he said that there were spots open (which, I believe there always are). As much of an answer as I expected, I asked if he even wanted to meet with me because he just asked me when I wanted to start.

So I met with him at least a week and a half before Christmas and I find that he just happens to be applying to med school. I openly share my experiences with him and he seems more interested in finding out about my application process to dental school than actually selling the volunteer position to me or finding a reason to turn me away.  I leave, noticing that not much has changed since the last time I volunteered at the organization and tell myself to suck it up.

Fast forward a few weeks, because at that meeting he told me to "Let me know when I wanted to come in", I e-mail him letting him know that I would like to come in on Tuesdays in the morning and give him specific times. No response for over a week. Fine, I give him a call. He tells me that there's actually more opportunities in the clinic and asks if I can volunteer Saturdays. Fine. Although I cleared out my mornings at work on Tuesdays because I had intended to volunteer, I was content with volunteering on Saturdays as well.

I ask him to confirm. No response for weeks. I give him a call on a Friday. "Oh, I'll give you a call later TODAY after talking to the clinic coordinator." Meanwhile, I keep having appointments on Saturdays -- work, seminars, Give Kids a Smile day. Saturdays are booking up fast.

I shoot him yet ANOTHER e-mail. At this point, it's already February. We're talking TWO MONTHS PEOPLE. I have not received ONE E-MAIL RESPONSE SINCE THE INITIAL RESPONSE. I would've seriously been content with a "ok" or "you can come" (totally disregarding any English grammar). I could care less as long as I got an answer. But this DUDE IS SERIOUSLY WHACK. While he seems all put together and proper when you see him, he does not have his $**T together.

After two months of this ridiculous lack of response, I put two and two together....Lack of response for dental non-profit + med school aspirations = decoration for med school app.  What a show. I know that work at a non-profit is much harder than for profit and private companies, but people like you might be why these organizations stay disorganized and never develop into more well-known causes.


I am absolutely disgusted. However, this will not prevent me from volunteering there. I am just going to avoid this guy at all costs. And definitely letting this situation be known, not only because it is unfair to me, but also because it is unfair to the children and their families who will suffer the indirect consequences from lack of structure in volunteers.

The attitude of a dentist

So I've begun this whole process again, and amidst all the things I am trying to get done, I have begun working at a dental franchise in my home state as a float scheduling manager. This all ties in with what I have to say in the next paragraph, but I just want to state that I believe that this will be a really good opportunity for me to observe dentist's attitudes towards their staff, patients, and each other.

I began training at location B at the beginning of December, probably the largest location amongst those in the franchise. The experience level of doctor varies from recently graduated in May to decades of experience and everything in between. Needless to say, the personality types of these dentists varied equally as much as their years of experience...

Let's start with Dr.A, who I had worked with Saturday, one that I had not had a good impression of since I first saw this dentist. Dr. A graduated within the last two years and began by slowly climbing up the ranks from being a dental assistant and eventually entering dental school, I assumed that Dr. A, more than any other dentist at that clinic, would understand what it was like to work at a dental office and not be the dentist. It seems that this idea has instead backfired because one who saw Dr. A would guess that Dr. A has no prior memory of life before becoming a dentist, at all.

I figured that I should give Dr. A another shot when I arrived this morning, but boy, was I wrong. Dr. A's attitude towards care and services was appalling. Not only that, but I felt as though Dr. A was displaying little respect towards the teams that were working, including myself. Location B received many, many (and can I emphasize many one more time?) calls in regards to toothaches all day. Triage forms were filled one after another -- each patient wanting to get in today, of course. Some patients more aggressive than others, some just flat out angry, and others condescending. That being said, it was the scheduling managers that were taking the calls, so I feel that the doctor has no reason to become upset by anything other than the fact that their workload may become a little heavier by having to read one page of paper and evaluating a situation, as they were trained to do in dental school.

Dr. A lacked professionalism in handling many of the situations in regards to the toothache patients. Though much responsibility weighed on Dr. A's duty of being the on-call doctor for the weekend, I personally felt as though Dr. A was trying to reject as many situations as possible. Whining in a raised voice about how patient X should not be calling this office or how patient Y should have completed this treatment when it was diagnosed, and letting out a disgusted sigh every time Dr. A returned only to find more triage forms. It was no way to represent yourself as a dentist, a caregiver.

Now I am not saying that Dr. A should be a saint and angelic or that she has nothing better to worry about, but at the very least, keep your cool. Everyone has lives, circumstances happen for everyone including the doctor, myself, and patients. With that being said, dedicating two and a half days to cover for your fellow doctors and be able to provide continuous care and service should never be an annoyance. It should be a privilege, one that many do not have.

There are other things that I felt were ridiculous and attitudes in Dr. A's treatment of her staff, but I think I have already went out of my way to vent on how disappointed I was in Dr. A representing the field of dentistry as a dentist. I have never once in my five years of being immersed in dental environments have I felt as inspired to always remember to be generous, modest, and reminded that dentists are caregivers than I did on Saturday. You never know who's watching...

December 3, 2013

By pure coincidence, I picked a day, this past August, that a year ago was the very day that schools accepted the first batch of students for the 2013-14 academic year for my DAT. I hope I'm not jinxing myself, 2013 has been a great year and I can only hope 2014 will be better.

I was just offered a float position at the largest local dental chain in my state today, one that I am a patient of, have shadowed at, and is a place that I could see myself working at as a dentist. After returning from my extended vacation of six months, I would be returning to a upgraded position that would still allow me the flexibility to continue to focus more on improving my dental application. I will start training immediately after my DAT.

I've been working hard since August, hopefully it will pay off on December 3rd. I just need to remind myself to Keep Calm and FOCUS! 

Hopefully, I will be posting more regularly after next week, as I start round three...

Thanks to all of my readers and those who have left encouraging comments. All are appreciated and inspiring!

Loss of hope, ready to start again?

It's almost August...Still no word from schools. I'm guessing I'm out of the running for the Class of 2017. I knew my chances where slim when I didn't hear any offers in December 2012, but I still held on to that small chance that I could get in this year and left the country to find myself and discover, once again, if this is what I wanted to do.

While I have reassured myself that I want to become a dentist, I have found myself in a rut that will set me back another two years. Even then, I can't guarantee myself a spot in a dental school, anywhere.

Obviously, I have not applied in this cycle. I don't think I can...I would if I could, but I have no personal statement, no letter writers, and not a lot to hold up a new app. But I am preparing myself, mentally, to apply again in June 2014.

If I don't get in this year, please give me the strength to withstand the family members and friends who question my decisions and ask why I am not doing anything for my future. I have finally got my mind on straight and am not ready to face interrogation of people who will only bring me down.

Wishing. Hoping. Praying.

Still waiting for that stamp of approval...
For that precious welcome notice...
To proceed...

Disappointed

No acceptances on December 3rd. I was too hopeful and thus equally disappointed in myself. I don't know what to say or exactly what to do. I have been thinking about it a lot this past week, but I don't want to spend the time writing about it when I should actually be DOING. So here I go...

One Month Away...

November 3rd marks one official month until December 3rd. Many hopeful applicants will get acceptance letters, denial letters, and wait-list letters. Time continues to pass, and many of us wonder if we secured ourselves a spot in a dental school, somewhere. It's a scary thought -- December 3rd will determine our path for the next four years or send us on a new path. Regardless, all of us will have to make tough decisions, whether it is deciding which school to go to or whether this is all worth another try...

Too many emotions, I'm not sure what to think of it. I'm glad it's getting closer, but scared at the same time...